PinterMess: Nasty Jello Cookies
So why post it? Because I keep seeing people repinning this recipe on Pinterest! At least three or four times a week, I see someone repin this recipe. It’s like a zombie. I think it’s dead, but then it rises again. This pin needs an ax to the face!
The picture it pretty. The cookies are pretty. Well, mine are okay. But on the original pin, the cookies are really pretty. That’s why people are pinning and repinning like crazy. This is not a knock on the blogger who posted this recipe originally. I’m sure she really does think these cookies are great. Someone must, right? I assume that it’s like how every mom thinks their child looks beautiful when they see him or her for the first time.
News flash, new moms: newborn babies look like aliens. They have weird cone-shaped heads and unnatural purpley-red wrinkly skin. And most of the time, they’re covered in child-birth-y-goop. That’s totally a technical term. But the point is, newborn babies are not cute except to their own mothers. And that’s how this recipe is too.
You need the following ingredients, and let me tell you…I should have known when looking at this stuff that it wasn’t going to work out. It starts out innocently enough with stuff like flour, eggs, butter, and the like. But then…jello. Dramatic movie music: dun dun DUN!
I gave this recipe a fighting chance by trying a few different kinds of jello: peach, berry (sugar free), tropical melon, and a fruit punch mix, which was sugar free fruit punch and the left overs of the other flavors. I tried, dear readers.
Because this recipe is such a Pinter-Mess, I’m not going to go into great detail with the ingredients and directions. It’s easy enough to follow along with the instructions to make the dough. Here’s what it should look like when you’re done:
Honestly, if you stopped right there (maybe threw in a little more sugar), the cookies wouldn’t be bad. When they were done, the consistency was okay, so this is a decent sugar cookie recipe (though you can probably find a better one out there). The problem is this next step.
Add the jello. I’m using peach in this case. You split the dough you’ve made into four balls (so you can do different flavors) and sprinkle about 2 tablespoons of jello into each ball. The rest of the jello goes into a bowl.
At this point, you may notice that I’m mixing white-colored jello into off-white-colored dough, so how do you get the bright colors for your jello cookies? Lots of food coloring. And while I’m not opposed to some food coloring in my baked goods (red velvet is awesome), in this case it seems…unnatural. The peach-flavored cookies don’t look peach, so I have to paint them. Weird. It’s the the cookies are a lie.
At this point, the person who originally blogged this recipe allowed her kid to play with the dough like it was playdough. That’s…gross. I’m sorry, but I’ve worked in a daycare. Children are walking germs. Even if you wash his/her hands, dough is liable to end up on the floor and/or covered with spit and boogers. That’s what happens during playtime. If it’s just you and the kid eating them afterward, no big deal I guess. But if you share them with others? Ew. Sorry, but even if it was my kid, I would not eat something he had been using as playdough. Plus, there’s a raw egg in it. Yuck.
After you mix your jello and food coloring into the dough (and after your kid plays with it if you’re going to allow that), you form it into small balls and roll in the left-over jello. Then flatten on a cookie sheet like so:
Yes, I swear I added several drops of red food color and they’re still just a little pink. The original pinner must have added a ton of food coloring to achieve the brilliant hues you see in her picture. She writes, “You may want to add a few drops of food coloring to make the dough more vibrant.” but come on. There’s no “may” about it. If you don’t add food coloring, your cookies will be…cookie-colored. Beige.
At this point, I decided to try another flavor, so I went with sugar-free berry. And when I opened the packet and dumped the contents into a bowl, I realized something was very wrong.
That’s all that was in the packet. I looked at the box and realized that yes, sugar-free sugar includes less jello mix even though it makes the same amount of jello in the end. I knew I couldn’t add a full 2 tablespoons to the dough and have enough left over for rolling as well, but I assumed that the jello was probably going to be stronger anyway, so adding less would be fine.
I added a lot more food coloring this time to make a purple-ish dough and baked along with the peach cookies. Here’s how they looked coming out of the oven:
The peach cookies seemed okay, but the berry were really crumbly. So if you must try this recipe, don’t use sugar free jello. It doesn’t work out. I also tested out melon and fruit punch, and the same thing happened – the green cookies with regular jello were fine, but the other red-purple cookies with the sugar free cookies were a bit crumbly.
I snapped this picture for you fine folks and then got down to taste-testing.
I tried the peach first, and immediately didn’t like it. It wasn’t the most horrible thing I ever ate, but I definitely didn’t need another one. The other three cookies? Completely inedible. The two purple ones with the sugar free jello were so overpowering with jello flavor that I almost gagged. The green one didn’t have a strong flavor, but was equally gross.
So many people had been pinning that I though, “Maybe it’s just me.” But it wasn’t…because I made my roommate and my boyfriend both try these cookies as well. They both agreed that the peach ones were gross but could be eaten if you were starving, but the other flavors were really nasty. Naaaaasty.
I don’t like wasting a single bite of food, but check out this container of cookies. I threw them all away. Every single one of them.
I’m probably not doing the disgusting taste of these cookie justice, so if you really do want to try these yourself, here’s the recipe. I take no responsibility if anyone in your family vomits.
- 3½ cups flour
- 1 teaspoon baking powder
- 1½ cups salted butter, softened
- 1 cup sugar
- 1 egg
- 1 teaspoon vanilla
- 4 packets of jello (any flavor, but not sugar free)
- food coloring
- Cream butter and sugar.
- Add egg and vanilla and mix until combined.
- Gradually add in the dry ingredients until a soft dough forms.
- Separate the ball of dough into four sections.
- Add 2 Tablespoons of jello mix into one of the four sections, along with food coloring to achieve the desired color. Form into small balls and roll in remaining jello mixture. Press flat onto a cookie sheet.
- Repeat this process with the other four sections using different flavors of jello and colors as desired.
- Bake for 8 to 10 min at 350 degrees. Allow to cool for two minutes before removing to a cooling rack.
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